we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
