i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She told me I should be a condom model.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
