this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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