I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize