fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
is that a dick in a sweater?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize