i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
