Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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