I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Randomize
