Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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