do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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