I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
