I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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