Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dick very happy bro
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
