I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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