I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
