Dual....:-)
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My vagina just clenched in fear
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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