He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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