Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
