sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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