WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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