i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
