He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I will be naked everywhere
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
