i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You ruined the universe
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize