Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
