oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
