i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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