that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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