If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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