I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
