I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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