is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
