Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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