its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
