I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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