i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i was born a porn star she said
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
