Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
