She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
