Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
