What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
