my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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