OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
