If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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