I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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