I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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