every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
