I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
