I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
