Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
