I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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