I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
