Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
