well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
