gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
