dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
