I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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