i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
