you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
