i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
