We won't sleep together?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
