i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
