??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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