if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
