i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
