How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
