Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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