Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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