Your dad touched me again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
