I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
a search helicopter?!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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