You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
