she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
