We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
