Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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