using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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