The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize