yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
