Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
