You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Pants are for mortals
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize