found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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