He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I will be naked everywhere
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
