I am spending my child support on dildos
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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