Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
