so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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