Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
