u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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