i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
