Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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