My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
