what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
