We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
