I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
