please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
